MATRIMONIAL WORRY OF FATHER FOR GROWN-UP DAUGHTER
A Frank Letter to a Friend – Dated 19.10.2014
Dear Learned Friend,
Thank you for your encouraging message regarding my daughter’s marriage. However, I must admit I was shocked to learn that your MBA-qualified daughter, who works as a manager in a foreign bank, has told you outright that she is not going to marry. Shocking indeed!
My daughter too is an MBA, holding a respectable marketing position with a good income. Unlike your daughter, she says, “Yes, I will marry.” But saying so is one thing, and doing it is another.
Let me share a real-life example. There is a beautiful unmarried woman—yes, woman, not girl—aged 35, a well-established Chartered Accountant earning over ₹10 lakhs per month. She used to say the same thing to her father—that she would marry "soon"—but the years passed. She couldn’t find a partner who matched her in looks, education, or income. Tragically, her father passed away, burdened by this worry. And what now? She is on a tour of Dubai with her mother, enjoying life, while the man who cared deeply for her left this world with a heart full of concern. This is the bitter truth of material life.
After a point, we parents must understand: our responsibility ends once we've educated and raised our children—say until age 25. Beyond that, it’s their life, their decisions, their fate. I’ve chosen to let go. I won’t spend the remaining years of my life worrying or pretending to “care” for someone who is fully capable of making her own choices.
I have my own mind, my own legal acumen, and my own right to live freely. Let us be practical, not emotional. Our usefulness to our children is over. Giving advice now often invites insult. They’ve become smarter than us—or at least they think so. They now want to teach us life lessons we neither asked for nor need.
They’ve grown wings and are flying in a much larger world. Let them fly. We don’t need to guide their flight; our sky was different, smaller. They have much of life left; ours is nearing its final chapters. We are slowly sinking into old age and eventual death. Why worsen that journey by clinging to worries that no longer serve us?
Please accept the hard truth: “No utility, no love.”
I know my frankness is not always welcomed, but as a friend, I owe you honesty. Live the rest of your life for yourself. Let go of the grown-up, self-reliant children. In today’s world, money and material success have overpowered the values of marriage and family. Our era—of morals, emotions, and family bonding—is fading. Let us leave gracefully, without illusions.
With regards,
Your friend and well-wisher,
Adv. B. S. More
19.10.2014
Postscript (Written on 2nd April, 2025):
Reflecting on this letter a decade later, I still stand by the core sentiment: that once our children are educated, capable, and independent, we must withdraw our emotional overinvestment in their personal decisions. However, I now realize that letting go does not mean becoming indifferent. It means maintaining dignity, boundaries, and peace of mind—while still offering quiet, unconditional support when genuinely needed.
Let the new generation soar with their ambitions; let the older generation rest with grace and wisdom. That, I believe, is the evolution of parenthood.
—© Adv. B. S. More, 2.4.2025
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